


The Bad Touch

by captainflintsjacket



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Cunnilingus, Multi, NSFW, Vaginal Fingering, basically...you sleep with everyone on the ship, m/f sex but also f/f sex, sex pollen i guess?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-04
Updated: 2019-09-04
Packaged: 2020-10-06 18:20:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,323
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20511410
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainflintsjacket/pseuds/captainflintsjacket
Summary: Based on the request: "smutty/semi-smutty reader-insert involving a mysterious infection that ups the sex drive and leads to Bones and reader confronting their feelings."Title is stolen from a song by the same name by the Bloodhound Gang





	The Bad Touch

“Join Starfleet’ they said,” you grumbled to yourself as you trekked through another mile of alien rain forest. “‘It’ll be fun’ they said. ‘You’ll get to travel and discover new things.’” You scoffed as you swatted a bug away from your face. “Yeah, like how many different plants can kill you in under a minute.”

Captain Kirk laughed beside you, sending some kind of extraterrestrial bird flying from its perch in surprise. “God, you’re worse than Bones. If you’re scared of alien planets, why did you join the security team?”

“I’m not scared,” you snapped, “I’m pissed off.” You shoved a branch full of leaves out of your way as if to prove your point, but it swung back around, hitting you directly in the face. Jim jumped out of the way as a cloud of green spores rose from the leaves and settled on your hair and uniform. A stinging sensation crept across your cheek from the impact of the branch and blood blossomed up at the cut. You closed your eyes and balled your hands into fists as a moment of white-hot rage hit you and faded just as quickly. “I hate plants.”

“Don’t let Sulu hear you say that,” Jim quipped.

Your eyes snapped open, focusing all the hatred in your body in your stare. Damn if he didn’t try his hardest not to laugh, but the sight of you covered in green dust with leaves sticking out of your hair was too much for Jim. He was quickly doubled over laughing, tears beginning to well up in his eyes.

“This is your fault.”

Jim only nodded in response. “You look,” he said between breaths, “You look like Christmas.” As soon as the words left his mouth, he broke down into a fit of giggles again. A soft rumble of laughter went through the rest of the ground crew but a glare from you quickly stifled it.

“I hate you.”

“I know.” Jim composed himself long enough to pull out his communicator: “Beam us up, Scotty.”

When he caught sight of you, Scotty almost fell of his chair in laughter. He and Jim exchanged what you thought were supposed to be words but only came out in nonsensical noises. “Guess I’ll just take myself to Medbay, then” you called over the laughter.

Jim followed you as you walked out. “I cannot wait to see Bones’ face.” He chuckled to himself again, hand pressed against his chest as he caught his breath.

You scowled at him. “Isn’t this, like, a contamination hazard? Could be poisonous. You’d probably be safer if you stayed with Scotty.”

“Not a chance.”

“But you could die.”   
“Worth it.” You cut your eyes at Jim, thankful that he’d finally stopped cackling like a madman. He still had a shit-eating grin plastered on his face, and you rolled your eyes. God you wanted to kiss his ass.

Kick, you corrected yourself quickly. Kick his ass. As the doors to Medbay slid open and lit up the gold in Jim’s dirty blond hair, you weren’t sure anymore which one you’d meant.

Bones looked up from his conversation with one of his attendings and pinched the bridge of his nose as he saw the two of you walk up, Jim still as giddy as a toddler and you covered in mysterious green spores, scowling like a cat that had its tail pulled too many times by a certain toddler. All he said in greeting was “Bay Two.”

As many times as you’d been in Medbay, you knew the drill. You walked into the room, kicked off your shoes and stood still long enough for one of the nurses to collect some samples of the spores to send to the chem lab for testing. Then you pulled your clothes off and jumped into the shower, wishing you had someone to scrub those hard to reach places for you…

“You almost done in there, Lieutenant, or do I need to come check on you” Bones called through the door.

“You’re welcome to join me if you want,” you replied, immediately clapping your hand over your mouth. He was your superior officer and you were part of the same crew. It was against so many rules that you’d never once thought of breaking. Especially not with Leonard McCoy. Not that he wasn’t handsome. Between the soft doe eyes and constantly messy hair your knees always felt a little weak around him, and those hands. God those hands. You knew exactly how good he was with them.

Bones cleared his throat, not quite knowing how to respond. “Just hurry up.”

You heard Jim laughing again outside and prepared yourself for the incessant teasing you knew was coming. Jim was leaning against the counter still smiling, and Bones looked like he wanted to smack him as much as you did.

“Jim refuses to tell me what happened, so do you want to explain why you came in covered in - why are you not wearing the gown left out for you?”

You shrugged. “Figured there was no point putting it on if we were just gonna take our clothes off again anyway,” you purred. Bones took a step back as you reached for him.

Jim, on the other hand, stood up a little straighter. “Oh this is the best day ever.”

Bones glared at him. “This is another one of your damn jokes, isn’t it?” Jim shook his head to deny it, but Bones cut him off. “You’re both banned from Medbay. If you get sick you can figure out how to take care of each other. And you,” he said, pointing a finger at you, “You I expected better from.”

You pouted as you slipped your hand around his, rubbing a circle on the back of his hand with your thumb. “If you don’t like sharing you could’ve just said so.” Another step closer and your lips were brushing his fingertip. You gently scraped your teeth along his skin as you sucked his finger into your mouth.

Bones watched it happen for a minute, whether out of pure shock or selfish pleasure he would never admit, but pulled his hand quickly away and out of your reach. With his other hand he pointed to the bed, “Sit.”

You hummed with pleasure. “Yes, Doctor McCoy.”

“You” he said to Jim, “Out. Now.”

Jim pushed himself off the counter and fluttered his eyelashes. “Mmm, yes, Doctor McCoy.”

Normally, you would’ve been mad at Jim, but his ass looked way too fine in those uniform pants as he walked out the door for you to think of anything else. Once the door slid shut, you leaned back on the biobed, propping yourself up on your elbows and spreading your legs. “I’m ready for my examination, doctor.”

Bones made a point to avoid eye contact, a tinge of red rising from under his blue uniform shirt as he waved a tricorder over you. “High levels of estrogen and oxytocin but no sign of physical damage,” Bones mumbled to himself.

“Are you gonna keep your nose buried in that tricorder or are you gonna come give me a hand,” you asked, sliding a hand over your breasts and down your stomach.

“Hm?” Bones tore himself away from the tricorder to ask what you said but the breath caught as he watched you stroke yourself in front of him. His breath hitched as he raked his eyes up your body, finally meeting yours with an electric spark. You slipped a finger inside yourself and groaned softly while you and Bones locked eyes.

“Please,” you whimpered, pumping another finger in with the first. You let your head fall back against the bed, bucking your hips up lightly. You thought you heard Bones groan over your own heavy breathing.

He took a step toward you and hesitated. God, he wanted to. He wanted you and if you weren’t his patient he would probably be tongue deep inside you right now. Thankfully, his feet seemed to remember the oath he took even if the rest of his body didn’t and he made his way out of the room. He took a deep breath, inhaling the cold, sterile smell of Medbay, to clear his mind.

Unable to find a physical cause for your elevated hormone levels, Bones had no choice but to discharge you with stern instructions to get some rest and come back in a few days for another exam. You sent him a wink and a kiss as you left, still riled up and ready to find some trouble. Luckily for you, Jim was waiting for you outside Medbay and you pulled him into the nearest conference room to see how fast you could rip his clothes off. “I need to take you on more away missions,” he said, panting.

Over the next few days, you fucked your way through damn near half the ship. You were currently lying in the bed of an Ensign whose name you couldn’t remember while she snored gently beside you. You willed yourself to go to sleep, but you still felt like something was missing. You slipped out of bed as silently as you could, pulling on your uniform dress. You kept the shoes off, padding silently out the door and down the hall towards Medbay.

A thin beam of light shone under the door to Bones’ office. You rapped on the door softly, sliding it open when he beckoned you in. Your core tightened when he looked up at you. His sleeves were pushed up to his elbow, his hair was ruffled from running his hands through it too much. His eyes were red-rimmed from sleeping too little and reading paperwork too much.

Bones leaned back in his char, turning towards you as you walked around his desk. “What can I do for you, Lieutenant?”

You dropped to your knees in front of him. Starting at his knees, you pushed your hands up his thighs, marveling at the way his muscles felt as they tightened under your fingertips. You mouthed against the growing bulge in his pants as he tangled his fingers in your hair. He pulled you back gently and the look in your eyes was enough to finally break him.

Bones helped you to your feet before pushing you back against his desk, slamming his lips against yours roughly. He swiped the files on top of his desk to the side before sliding his hands under your thighs and hoisting you up. You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him impossibly close to you. Bones moaned against your mouth as he moved his hand between your legs, fingers brushing your clit instead of the cotton underwear he expected to find. He hooked his hands behind your knees again and pulled roughly, yanking you to the edge of the desk as he dropped to his knees.

Bones wasted no time burying himself inside you. You tried to buck your hips but Bones held you down firmly as he used his tongue to pull moan after moan from your quivering lips. He slid his tongue up to your clit, swirling around it as he pushed two fingers inside you. He kissed up from your clit, biting at the skin on your pelvis while he continued to explore your cunt with his fingers.

Bones pulled away as his tongue ran over an unexpected bump on your hip. You whined, bucking against him again, but he held you down firmly as he ran a hand up over the bump. He grimaced as he realized how unsanitary it was considering where his fingers had just been.

“Bones,” you pleaded, trying to push his hand away.

He ignored you, keeping on hand on your hip and fumbling in his drawer with the other. He pulled out a magnifying glass and angled his desk lamp toward you. “Well I’ll be damned,” he muttered. He stood quickly, knocking the chair out of the way. “Come with me,” he ordered. A shudder ran down your spine and you followed obediently, eager to see what awaited you. Whatever you hoped for, you certainly didn’t expect to be jabbed in the neck with a hypo.

Everything hurt when you finally came to - like you’d just run a marathon. You groaned as the memory of the last few days came back to you, reminding you exactly why you felt so sore.

“Ah, you’re finally awake,” Bones said, smiling. You groaned again at the sight of him, trying to bury yourself in the biobed sheets. Bones chuckled as he pulled a chair up to the bed and sat beside you. “You’ll be happy to know that your sexcapade can be explained pretty easily. You got bit by some kind of alien bug when you went on that away mission. We’re not sure exactly what it is, yet, but it seems to somehow feed on oxytocin, which is primarily produced during the -”

“The female orgasm,” you interrupted. “Thank you Doctor McCoy. I have taken a human anatomy class. Can I go now?”

“Of course. If I were you, I’d avoid Jim, though. He hasn’t stopped grinning since I told him the diagnosis, and I don’t want to see him in here because you knocked him out.”

“Fuck me,” you muttered, quickly catching yourself and fumbling to correct it. “No, that’s not I just meant that I-”

“I know,” Bones laughed. “You know where to find me, though, if you need to relieve a little stress.”

“Maybe if you buy me dinner first,” you said, turning quickly so he couldn’t see the blush creeping across your cheek.

“How’s 18:00?”

“I’d have to ask my doctor.” 

“Doctor’s orders are to rest and eat, so I think he’ll approve.”

You paused in the doorway, glancing back at Bones. “Wait, are you actually serious?”

Bones shrugged. “What can I say? Guess I got bit by the love bug too.”

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted on Tumblr @trade-baby-blues


End file.
